the (w)hole (archive: 2004-2005)

THIS BLOG HAS MOVED

2006-01-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

This blog has moved to www.danallison.org/blog. Please update your bookmarks and such. Change is fun! Yay!

Last Post at dan-complete-empty.blogspot.com

2006-01-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, people who read this blog. One last update before I move to www.danallison.org/blog. It still might be a couple of weeks before I get the site up all pretty and organized, but I'm saying this is my last post here as an incentive to go through with the move, instead of just putting it off continually.

Coincidentally, my move of blog abode will be coinciding with my move of meatspace abode. Yep, I'm leaving the Good Horse, which has been my home since I moved to Boulder over a year ago, and moving into a one bedroom apartment in central Boulder, right across the street from the main Naropa campus. I am quite excited, although I will miss my roomates.

See ya soon.

Update 1/19/2006: danallison.org/blog is now up and running. Check it out!

No New Years Resolutions for Me

2006-01-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

That's right. Not one. It seems to me that if you set a goal and label it a "New Year's Resolution," then you are more likely to fail than if you simply call it a "goal." Maybe I'm superstitious, or I have some new-agey beliefs about the negative subtle energies around the mantra "New Year's Resolutions." But in 2006, I vow to have not a single "New Year's Resolution." That being said, I have set a few goals for myself, not necessarily limited to '06, but goals that I hope to have accomplished before '07. Most of them are personal goals that need not be blogged, but a few of them involve my public, online persona. So you might be interested in what I have in mind.

First off, I will get my computer fixed (yet again), buy some new website building software (yes, I use WYSIWYG programs; I'm not that tech-savvy), and revamp the danallison.org site. It will have basically the same aesthetic (the hand-drawn look), just a bit more sharp, organized, and professional looking. Also this blog will be moving from it's current blogspot location to danallison.org/blog, which will be the homepage of danallison.org, shedding the blogger template in the process. I tried to do that before (as you can see from the test post), but I got frustrated and gave up. Hopefully with this new software, I should get 'er done no problem.

Secondly, in regards to the actual content of the (w)hole, I will keep the journalling about my personal life on this blog to a bare minimum (if not leaving it out completely) from now on, using a good ol' fashion pen and paper for that purpose. And instead I will be posting more artwork, i.e. photographs, doodles and other visual art, short films, audio (possibly resurrecting danNaked as a podcast, under a different name), poetry, and fiction prose. As of today, this blog has seen no fiction writing, so that should be a fun adventure.

Last but not least, I will be collaborating with other artists to create content for this blog (and just for artwork in general, whether or not it appears on this blog). A dancer friend of mine has expressed interest in doing some video/music collaboration, and I plan to take her up on the offer. Matthew Dallman will be composing a vibraphone/cello piece to be performed by me and my dear cello playing friend Jessie Dettwiler (of the band Strangers Die Everyday). Also, the collaboration that I am most frantically exhilarated about is that my friend John Hetherington and I shall be starting a band. Some of you may remember that John and I have been trying to start this band for a while now with little success. So we have decided to stop looking for a third member, to move the band to the top of our priorities list, and do the duo thang, bass and drums, (until maybe the right person comes along to make it a trio). I will have access to Naropa's recording studio this semester (while taking a class to learn how to use it), so you can expect some crunk-ass shit in yo' ears very soon.

That's all I got for you right now. Bloggage will be light until I get the new site up and running. Have a crunk-ass New Year everybody.

Get On Witcho Bad Self

2005-12-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

Finished Paintings in 05: 1

2005-12-30T04:10:00.000-07:00

Currently on display at The Good Horse (aka my house).

Values for '06

2005-12-30T02:06:00.000-07:00

So I haven't really been blogging much these past few weeks. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on where I've been in 2005, and where my life is headed. I recently looked over the 2005 archives of this blog and a wave of embarrasment and what-was-I-thinking washed over me. I guess I've done a bit of growing up in 05. To a large degree, 05 has left me confused, lost, depressed, frustrated, in pain, desperate, and a whole slew of other shit that I have yet to grow out of. I've been down in those dark places, not seeing a way out, waiting for it to pass, only to have it return later. I'm glad to say that a lot of that is behind me (at least to some degree), and 2006 is looking bright.

I took Paul's tip and have been visiting Steve Pavlina's website a lot lately, which has been incredibly inspiring. I've been brainstorming a list of values for myself. Here's what I've got so far, in a loose order, in diad form as a kind of between-the-lines thing, where the metaphor is more important than either of the two concepts.

1.Intuition and Art
2.Consciousness and Growth
3.Stories and Relationships
4.Courage and Trust
5.The Erotic and Humor
6.Music and Sex

This list will most likely remain in a state of flux and growth until I hit on a really resonant list, but this is good for now.

Ink Improv Overseas

2005-12-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I wish I could read this.

Blog Vacation

2005-12-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

Yo! I won't be blogging for the next however long. Just to letchall know.

Ad for Live Music in the Boulder Scene

2005-12-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

If you happen to be in the Boulder area this weekend and are looking for something to do this Sunday night, you could stay at home and do things of little importance, OR you could come to the FREE Naropa Music Dept. Concert @ Naropa's Performing Arts Center @ 7:00pm. All of Naropa's musical ensembles shall be performing, and yours truly will be headlining on the drumset with Naropa's jazz ensemble, and we have plans to rock out hardcore (jazz style).

ALSO, this upcoming Thursday the 8th, my friend's band Strangers Die Everyday will be opening for the goth cello outfit Rasputina @ The Fox.

Live music is good, and you should support it.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful day of Gratitude. I myself have much to be grateful for. But I won't bore you with a long list. I spent the day alone, in my room, and had eggs and toast for dinner (since that's the only food I had and the grocery store was closed). Quite pathetic, yes, but that's what I did. And I actually did end up buying something on Buy Nothing Day: an etymological dictionary (and a burrito). I spent wednesday through sunday reading reading reading and writing writing writing, so it was a worthwhile investment. Words are so fuckin' crazy!

One of the first things that a student of etymology...discovers for himself is that every modern language, with its thousands of abstract terms and its nuances of meaning and association, is apparently nothing, from beginning to end, but an unconscionable tissue of dead, or petrified, metaphors.

-Owen Barfield

And speaking of words, I'm almost done with Book Two. I just need to print it out and get the sizing right and then xerox that bitch! It's significantly shorter than I expected it to be, a total of eight short poems with some doodles interspersed. But's that's ok. I'm proud of it anyway. It shall be done before mid-December. So if you want one, just email me (dan@danallison.org) your mailing address and I'll ship it out, pronto!

Buy Nothing Day

2005-11-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

Is "Buy Nothing Day" (November 25) wise social activism? I won't necessarily say it's not, and I don't plan to buy anything on that day, except maybe food (like most days), but I don't really like what its founder has to say about the digital generation (notice the use of the word "real"):

We are brainstorming all the time on ways to get people to unplug, ways to get people to stop living in the virtual world and start living in the real world.

People who grew up with the internet or iPods, that whole digital revolution, are the first generation that spend more time in the electronic environment than they do in the natural environment. So we are definitely going to try and launch social-marketing campaigns that encourage people to just unplug, just to pull out of the virtual electronic environment and try to live more than half their lives in the real world.

System!

2005-11-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

When I first heard System of a Down on the radio when their first album came out, I dismissed them as just another crap metal-wannabe band that did nothing but suck. Fast forward a year or two, Serj Tankian appears on Integral Naked in a dialogue with Mr. Wilber. I'm intregued by Wilber's description of the band, so I decide to give them another chance and bought Toxicity (which was nominated for a grammy). First listen, I didn't like it. But after I got the songs in my head, I totally got into it. I've noticed that that's how SoaD works. You have to stick with it a while and kinda memorize the songs before you like it. When I bought Mezmerize, I didn't like it at first, then after a while I loved it. Same with Hypnotize. I saw them perform in Denver not too long ago, and the show totally kicked ass except when they played new songs that I hadn't heard before.

As for their political message: rote, un-nuanced, regergitated, bumper-sticker-esque, people-good/government-bad, borders on self-righteousness. It doesn't even compare to the lyrics of Rage Against the Machine. Neither band really takes an 'integral' perspective with their message, but RAtM's Zack de la Rocha was far more poetic, at least. Politics in music, or any art, is hard to pull off without seeming somewhat contrived and self-righteous. But it can be done, I believe (as Saul Williams demonstrates). It just takes a lot of sincerity and humor (not to mention skill). But I don't want to confuse humor with irony. What Mr. Dallman has said about intuition vs. concept (if I my paraphrase), I think, could be said about humor vs. irony. Humor is the spontaneous recognition of the contrast between expectation and manifestation, whereas irony is the deliberate contrast of apparent and intended meaning. SoaD certainly engages in their fair share of both. The lyrics on Mezmerize/Hypnotize are much more nonsensical and confusing than previous albums. A lot of times it seems like they just put words together simply because they rhyme, which isn't really humorous or ironic, it's just lazy. And every once in a while they throw in a political slogan for good measure.

Overall, I dig System of a Down's music, but their lyrics leave quite a bit to be desired. I'm not totally against their political message (cuz at times it can be quite powerful), but for the most part, it's lacking.

$100 Laptops

2005-11-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Vince comments quite intellegently on the $100 laptop for kids, which had me concerned when I read about it a few days ago. It's certainly a big wild card in the near future of the world scene. Seriously, this is the type of thing that could yield some insanely left-field type of stuff. I agree with Vince that it might not be as good an idea as it originally sounds. Although, I must admit that I can't help but fantasize about all the crazily kick-ass possibilities.

New SoaD album

2005-11-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

I just bought the new System of a Down album Hypnotize, which was released today, and it has this wicked chill little thingy that connects with the Mezmerize album to make it a full-fledged double album. Kick ass. I haven't given the whole thing a listen yet, but don't you worry. I'll give it a thorough listening and report back here, so all you blog readers will know just what I think about System of a Down.

Civet

2005-11-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. The girl on the left (the drummer) of this band is a girl I dated in the fifth grade, who I haven't heard from since then. She just sent me a message on myspace. crazy.

Barfing Up

2005-11-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

Sad Pez

2005-11-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Dish?

2005-11-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

Does this seem kinda creepy to anyone else? I'd be all for it if the town renamed itself "WiFi," but "Dish"? And not too far from my hometown, no less.

Intuition vs. Concept

2005-11-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

Great post from Mr. Dallman on art of intuition versus art of concepts, which I think explains why some over-the-top prog rock bands and music with overtly political lyrics tends to make people wince. It reminds me of the popular, and increasingly cliche (ironically), phrase, "First thought, Best thought," coined by Allen Ginsberg.

Security Problems with RealPlayer

2005-11-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've been using RealPlayer for my video posts recently because it's the easiest format to make with Adobe Premiere 6 (which I use to edit the videos) that works for both Mac and PC, and it also has good picture resolution with a small file size. But, apparently, there might be some problems with it that should be patched.

Oh! again.

2005-11-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

2005-11-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Narcissism vs Pride

2005-11-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I saw the psychiatrist for the third time this morning, and lo and behold, I'm not depressed, I'm bipolar (according to the doc). I really don't know what that means, except that I have to take more pills. I must admit that, even in the mere one week I have been on the medication, I am sleeping better, and my mood is improving. So my trust for this doctor is growing.

In wake of this news, Paul's recent post on Conor Oberst struck a chord with me. I grew up with a mother who constantly drilled into my head that I was "such an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)." And she used that termonology too. She read loads of books on it and bought every word, and thought it necessary to continually inform me about just how sensitive I really was.

I'll have to gets me a copy of that The Culture of Narcissism book and give it a good read. The more I inquire into my own narcissism, the more I realize just how self-centered and navel-preoccupied I really am. But another thing that I notice is that the term "narcissism" seems to be a bit misused sometimes, by myself and others. Perhaps the term "pride" could stand a bit more use. The terms are very similar, but not exactly the same thing. And it seems, at times, that we say "narcissism" when we really mean "pride." As I understand it, narcissism is excessive self-love and self-fixation, which is almost exclusively a negative thing, neurotic even. "Pride," on the other hand, is more neutral a term, in that it can be positive (self-respect, a sense of one's dignity and value) or negative (conceit, arrogance, haughtiness) depending on the context. I see nothing wrong with pride in the positive sense. In fact, it would be quite unhealthy not to have a sense of dignity and self-respect. But the problem arises when one puts oneself before or above others and cares more about oneself and less about others.

This seems to be a big issue for us integral-heads since it relates to the ethical struggle between the problems and contradictions of a flatland worldview and the problems and contradictions of a hierarchical worldview. If I'm one of five people in a life boat that can only hold three, who's gonna drown? How do you make that descision? Which leads to the question: Would it be narcissistic of me to declare that I should stay? Am I really more valuable than the two people who have to drown? Tricky, tricky.

Trampolne Trance

2005-11-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

Click to Play.

RIP Colin Winkelmann (1976-2005)

2005-11-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

I recently found out that Colin Winkelmann, a BMXer who influenced me a great deal as a rider, commit suicide not too long ago. A few years ago, I made an oil pastel drawing of a burning city with a picture of Winkelmann flying over the flames. I was really proud of that picture. Rest in peace, Colin.

IE? Firefox.

2005-11-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

If you use Internet Explorer as your web browser of choice, and you have trouble viewing this here blog because all the content gets pushed to the bottom, then I apologize. I'm not quite sure how I can fix that on my end, but you can fix it on your end by using Firefox intstead. Yay!

Hole

2005-11-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ink Fun

2005-11-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

BOOK TWO

2005-11-06T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have decided to set a deadline for the second installment in my series of zines-called-books(as I have decided to title the series), and that deadline is Christmas, particularly before I leave Boulder to go to Dallas for the holidays. I have all the content, it's just a matter of putting it all together in zine format. And if I can get my webpage editing software and internet connecting harware working again, then Book Two will be available through danallison.org for a small fee (two or three bucks probably) via paypal, shipped right to your door, just in time for Christmas. And hopefully I'll also have more copies of Book One available by that time as well.

Circle Inky Thing

2005-11-06T14:44:00.000-07:00

Ink Improvisations

2005-11-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

Click to Play!

Ink Bubble

2005-11-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

Old Skoo' Animation

2005-11-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Click to Play!

John Cage

2005-11-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

The following is a short paper I wrote for my History of the Avant Garde class.

John Cage, the 20th century musical composer, once said, “I have nothing to say, and I am saying it,”* a bafflingly bold statement, especially for a musician. With this composer, who is intentionally saying nothing for all to hear, and who admits to having little sense of harmony*, one is presented with a dilemma: Is this man a genius or a loon? Many hail Cage as the former. He obviously pushed the envelope and challenged his audience, as well as his fellow musicians and musical academia in general. No one could argue that he did not experiment with music and do things that had never been done before.

However, as brilliant and avant-garde as his work may be, his music is far from genius. And that is because his work is not “music” per se, but rather, a kind of meta-music. His art lies in the conceptual realm of music and in the execution of concepts through music, but not in music itself. Take, for example, 4’33”, perhaps Cage’s most famous piece, which consists of four minutes and thirty-three seconds of silence in three movements. Not a single note is played. In this piece, there is no “music” as it is traditionally understood, and that is the key. Cage is challenging the traditional understanding of “music” and asking the question, “what is music?” or perhaps even, “what is not music?” pointing out that music is a concept that can be applied to any number of things that would not conventionally be thought of as “music.”

Cat-in-a-glass

2005-11-02T15:08:00.000-07:00

poor kitty.

Pills!

2005-11-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

So I saw that psychiatrist again the other day, and he gave me some of this stuff, which is usually used to treat bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (both of which I'm pretty sure I don't have, but then again I thought I didn't have ADD). He says, "take half a pill before you go to bed. If you're not asleep within half an hour, take the other half... Call me in the morning to tell me how it went." So I do what he says, fall asleep within minutes of getting in bed (which almost never happens), and I sleep better than I've slept in years, waking up with tons of energy. I call and he says to take the same dosage again that night, so I do. But this time (last night) I don't fall asleep right away. I lie awake for about an hour before taking another half a pill. Eventually I fall asleep. But about six hours later I am awoken by nightmares involving my mother and rattlesnakes, and I can't get back to sleep. Usually, I'm pretty lucky to get six hours of sleep, especially on a day that I have to get up early for class or something (like today). But right now I'm feeling like I only got a couple hours, or didn't sleep at all.

The doc says that, judging by my symptoms, my condition is one that is nearly always genetic. I suspect that my father dealt with the same things at my age, but then, maybe not. He rarely talks about anything that happened to him before he married my mom, so I wouldn't know.

I really hope that this sleep thing pans out, because not sleeping really sucks. Of course, I've only been taking this medication for two days. I'll give it some time and see what happens.

10/31 is Halloween

2005-10-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Bill, I hope your drug induced state wasn't coupled with any paranoia or social anxiety. I went to a Halloween party this past weekend, stoned out of my mind (which I don't do very often, mind you), and the results were not good.

Social anxiety + not knowing what's going on = not fun.

And I didn't even have a costume, so I was all self-conscious about that, too. I should've opted for intoxication of an alcoholic nature instead, or no intoxication at all. Hopefully tonight will be a different story, as I have no plans to alter my state chemically. Saul Williams is playing tonight in Boulder at the Fox theater, and I plan to attend the show. May everyone have a fun, safe Halloween!

Musical Notes

2005-10-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

click to play video (Real Media).

My My Space Profizzle

2005-10-28T12:18:00.000-06:00

Inspired by the recent article in Wired magazine on Myspace.com, I got myself one a' 'dem Myspace profiles. I haven't taken any time to really fill out the profile, or to figure out how exactly this myspace thing works. But someday...someday.

I was also inspired by Wired to drink absinthe, but I'll have to do some research on how to obtain it in the US (or I could just travel to Europe). One of my housemates once tried to brew a batch of absinthe herself, but the results were not good. I couldn't even stand the smell, let alone drink the stuff. She said that it didn't really do anything except make her tongue burn and make her want to throw up, and she had that horrid taste in her mouth for hours.

Got my Computer Back!

2005-10-27T20:18:00.000-06:00

And it works now! Well, sort of. Except now the wireless card doesn't work, so I can't get on the internet. [Sigh] It's always something. Oh well, at least now I can stay up all night typing a paper for class in the privacy of my own room (which is what I plan to do tonight), even if I still have to check my email and write blog posts at the Naropa computer lab.

Back in Boulder with ADD

2005-10-26T15:59:00.000-06:00

I'm going to have to start being more diligent with my blogging. I've been pretty scattered since school started, and my blog has suffered because of it. Also, my computer is still fucked (but is currently being repaired, hopefully). But nonetheless, the blogging must go on.

I returned to Boulder Monday evening, to a messy but cozy home. My trip to Dallas was fairly successful, that is, I accomplished what I set out to do, which was to visit and wish my sister a happy birthday. So my goal was accomplished. But what this visit, like all my visits to Dallas, did more than anything else was remind me why I can't stand being there and why I don't want to go back. I'm very glad to be back in Boulder.

Yesterday, I finally saw that psychiatrist that is supposed to help me out with that sleep thing. And apparently, he thinks I have ADD. That came as somewhat of a surprise. You'd think that I would know by now if I had ADD, especially with a mother who has taught special ed (i.e. she teaches kids with ADD how to read) since I was in pre-school. Maybe I developed ADD after high school or something. I don't know. As for the sleeping thing, he says he needs more information before he starts giving me pills, so he'll be talking with my parents soon, and I'll be taking a blood test soon as well.

I just read an article this morning about how more and more young people and children are taking perscription drugs to help them sleep. Insomnia seems to be becoming a more common characteristic among today's youth. It also said that many of these children and young adults who are taking meds to sleep have ADD. Coincidence?

Curious Items

2005-10-22T18:45:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm back at my parents house, staying in the room I grew up in for a few days. Last night, while digging through my closet, I found some items that took me back a few years.

When I was in the sixth grade, my theology teacher (Catholic school) made everyone in the class decorate their Bibles. This was mine.

In my freshman year of high school, we had to make a bug collection of about fifty different bugs for biology class. As you can see, some of the bugs have since disintegrated.

This is the one I'm most excited about. A few years ago, my mom bought this violin for real cheap, hoping that someone in the family would learn how to play it. But no one ever did. So last night I offered to take it off her hands, to which she agreed. So I am now the owner of a violin.

Weekend in Dallas

2005-10-20T16:44:00.000-06:00

I was going home in October. Everybody goes home in October.
-Jack Kerouac, from On the Road

Tomorrow I will be flying from Denver to Dallas for my sister's 14th birthday. She has no idea that I'm coming. It's going to be a complete surprise. On her 13th birthday, I was packing my bags and preparing to hit the road to Boulder.

It will be the first time that I've been back to Dallas since hurricane Katrina, which displaced many New Orleaneans to my hometown. I'm not sure how different things will be. My friends in Austin tell me that there are tons of people from New Orleans now living in Austin. I imagine Dallas has a similar story.

In my History of the Avant-Garde class, we've been studying the elements that led to the birth of Jazz and how New Orleans was the only place it could have happened, for many reasons (for example: pre-civil war, New Orleans was one of the only places in the South that allowed slaves to have drums and to gather to sing and dance). Now, with many artists and musicians from New Orleans relocating to other cities, particularly Houston, Texas, and with talk of a hip hop renaissance occuring in Houston, sheeeit, who knows what will be happening in the art and music scene in the coming years.

Triangles

2005-10-20T16:41:00.000-06:00

More Apologies

2005-10-20T16:04:00.000-06:00

I apologize, again, to all those who are waiting to hear from me in the form of email, telephone, blog posts, face to face, etc. My computer is currently being repaired, and when I get get it back, you can expect more flow of email, bloggage, and other computer related forms of communication. Until then, I type only on the keyboards at the Naropa University computer lab.

Fun with Ink

2005-10-14T16:34:00.000-06:00

She is Here

2005-10-14T16:32:00.000-06:00

Eight

2005-10-14T01:29:00.000-06:00

Smoke Purifies

2005-10-06T23:28:00.000-06:00

Cigarettes, Sleep, Spiders

2005-10-04T13:58:00.000-06:00

I think it was Kurt Vonnegut who called cigarettes a "socially acceptable form of suicide." Perhaps that's the subconscious (or quasi-conscious) motive behind my recent lack of objection to this new addiction. I never thought I'd pick up smoking. I always just kind of assumed that I wasn't interested. Things change, I guess.

I'm supposed to see a sleep-specialized psychiatrist sometime this week. My sleep patterns of late have morphed into some kind of non-rhythmic system of deprivation, certainly worthy of whatever medication this psychiatrist chooses to prescibe. However, in the short, random spurts of sleep that I have been able to accept in the past few days, I've been beginning to remember my dreams again, which hasn't happened in a few months. And last night (or this morning rather) I became lucid in parts of my dreams. And two aspects of my recent dreams have caught my attention enough to announce their significance.

One: my dreams are so fucking layered. Last night I became lucid in a dream within a dream in which I was remembering a scene from a movie, which ended up being another dream. I would "wake up" and start thinking about the dream I just had and then realize that I'm still dreaming, which reminds me of this scene in the "movie," which I fell asleep while watching, and so on and so forth.

Two: Spiders are everywhere. I've adopted a mild obsession with spiders in the past week or so, which has apparently manifested in my dreams. Yesterday, while napping, I dreamt I was with this girl I recently dated (who was the one who got me started with cigarettes), and a spider was spinning a web between her head and the ceiling (which was uncommonly low). I tried to shoo the spider away, but the girl stopped me and said it was ok.

Now, I usually analyze the shit out of stuff like this, but I'm really sick of analyzing shit all the time. Fuck it, I'll do it anyway. I don't know what the layeredness is all about, but the spider thing I think I might have a grasp on.
This probably has something to do with it: Toward the end of this month I'll be going back to Dallas for my little sister's 14th birthday, and my she has an intense case of arachnophobia, I'm talkin' paralyzingly intense. If she sees a spider, she literally cannot move and might even start crying. Last year, for her 13th birthday, I gave my sister a book about powerful female/goddess figures throughout history, and my mother did not approve of it because, apparently, the book had pictures of spiders in it (and because she thinks I'm trying to corrupt my sister's mind, but that's beside the point).

In conclusion, I'm sick of typing. The End.

ps. Fuck all who post advertisements in the comments section of blogs. All unsolicited ads posted on this blog will be immediately deleted.

To Love is To See

2005-10-04T03:54:00.000-06:00

Poem Sandwich

2005-10-04T03:51:00.000-06:00

Evil Speaks

2005-10-04T02:20:00.000-06:00

Get Out

2005-10-02T04:13:00.000-06:00

"Film Poetics"

2005-09-28T23:01:00.000-06:00

Submit your short film for selection consideration for the first ever CU / Naropa "Film Poetics" collaboration. The screening will be half CU students and half Naropa students and will offer each filmmaker the opportunity to speak before his/her work is viewed.

hmmm...I've never been a part of any kind of film screening or anything. What the hey, I'll give it a shot.

I Love Animation

2005-09-24T16:07:00.000-06:00

This is some trippy shit.
from 1st Ave Machine

Prop Shopping

2005-09-21T10:34:00.000-06:00

I'm currently trying to write a screenplay for a short film, and I thought a good way to get ideas for this screenplay would be to go prop shopping. So whenever I find a cool prop or costume or something, I use it to come up with a storyline that would incorporate it.

The Difficulties of Organizing a Salon:

2005-09-19T00:09:00.001-06:00

In response to Part 1 of Paul's Power of the Posse

note: Here, by "salon," I'm refering to something on-going, and not just a single gathering. Single gatherings are great, but here I'm focusing on the on-going group.

Although I can't claim to have much experience with organizing such organizations, I have had a great deal of experience with intending to start thinking about maybe considering trying to create some kind of salon-ish type of thingy. So I certainly have authority to write on such a topic. Or perhaps not. At any rate, the following is what I came up with when I asked myself: Why does it seem that so many attempts to create salons, bands, groups of some kind either never get off the ground or fizzle out shortly after birth?

Difficulty #1: Salons are countercultural.

Groups in America get a bad name. We are proud of our independence, of our autonomy, of our modernist notions of breaking free from homeland tribes in pursuit of personal visions and solitary bootstrap quests.

Right off the bat, American culture neither values nor supports salons. The Salon is a desert flower. Mere survival requires participants to challenge their own lifestyle and values and choose to go against the grain. This is no small feat. We live in a culture that encourages workaholism and frowns on leisure. And leisure (or some derivative or satisfactory substitute), I believe, is a crucial ingredient in the creation of a salon. (And if you make your living working for a certain evolutionary-minded non-profit in Boulder, Colorado, leisure is especially in short supply). Simply put, the odds are against us, and it takes more than mere interest and good intentions. It takes some degree of sacrifice, crystal clear priorities, and a plan of action. I personally would love to see some kind of integral salon (or salon-ish type thingy) emerge and thrive, and I'm certainly willing to do my part. However, my initial reaction to the idea is of skeptical pessimism.

For a future post: Difficulty #2...

Please Forgive Me

2005-09-14T04:36:00.000-06:00

I want to put out a blanket apology to all the people who have emailed me, called me, or tried to contact me in anyway and have yet to hear back from me. (Also everyone whose blog I have failed to comment on). I have no real excuse. It's mainly a problem of motivation. I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry.

Street Performance and Erik Satie

2005-09-12T23:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I schlepped my vibraphone out to the Pearl St. Mall and played for about half an hour (made 5 bucks). It was just an experiment really. I didn't have any prepared pieces to play or anything. I just wanted to see what would happen if I improvised in the context of a street performance. It turned out fairly well. One dude asked for my card (of which I have none, but perhaps should invest in), and a little girl, no older than about 7 or 8, told me that my music was "very haunting."

I just started writing a paper for my History of the Avant Garde class, for which I have chosen the 19th/20th century French composer Erik Satie as my topic. Earlier today I went to the record store and bought a couple cd's, one being a recording of Satie's music, which I am listening to now. His music strikes me as a precursor of minimalism, of which I am a fan.

Satie's concept of "furniture music" bears similarity to the music of the street performance in that both are a kind of background music. Watching people walk by with no more than a passing glance as I played my vibraphone brought a uniquely flavored freedom to the music. With few people visibly giving their attention to the music, my disposition towards performing became loose and open, while not flippant or aloof. Much of Satie's music evokes me with this same openness and absence of direct emotional drive. Satie himself played piano in Parisian cabarets for many years, and also composed music for film. I've always liked music for film I think because it has this humble quality of being in the background and not the center of attention.

my computer is fucked

2005-09-09T00:48:00.000-06:00

so I'm not sure how often I'll post for the next indefinite period of time, as I'll have to post from public computers, which actually won't really be a problem. so maybe the blog won't really be affected. however, there definitely won't be any video posts for a while, as public computers usually don't have video editing capabilities.

Katrina

2005-09-06T00:59:00.000-06:00

I keep trying to write something about the hurricane, and I keep deleting it. I don't know what to write.

Plug for Friend's Band

2005-09-06T00:25:00.000-06:00

"Strangers Die Everyday is the rockinist outfit to come out of Boulder in a long, long, long, long, long time. S.D.E. have been compared to the likes of Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Hanged Up, and Mogwai. Personally, I think they're better..." - DENVEREVOLUTION

Shift of Transportation

2005-09-04T14:38:00.000-06:00

Goodbye...

Hello...

Trampoline Composition #2

2005-08-30T16:23:00.000-06:00

Click here to play video (Real Media file).

Today I Bought a Vibraphone

2005-08-29T18:58:00.000-06:00

"Blog Blood"

2005-08-29T11:40:00.000-06:00

I don't really comment on other folks's blogs too often. I read plenty, but I rarely feel the urge to comment, which I think is a missed opportunity on my part that affects both me and the blogger (and also the other readers of the blog) because it stifles the circulation of what I'll call "blog blood".

"Blog blood" is simply the life, or energy, or chi, or whatever you want to call it of blogs. It's the reason bloggers blog and readers read. And it needs to be circulated in order for the blog organism to thrive.

I think the most significant problem with blogging as an artform is the weakness of the feedback mechanism (this also applies somewhat to writing in general). With artforms that involve performing in front of a live audience, such as theater or musical performance, or even with artforms that just involve interacting with other artists, such as musical recording or film making, the feedback is constant and immediate. The mere physical presence and attention of the audience and/or fellow artists communicates more than we are even aware of. But with blogs, communication is optional, feedback is optional. And when a reader does choose to comment, to provide feedback, it takes much more effort than just offering one's attention to a performer. And most of the time, readers choose not to provide that feedback simply because of the effort. And this is exactly what stifles the flow of "blog blood".

When a reader does choose to comment, the feedback not only invigorates and enlivens the blogger (just like the attention of the audience enlivens the performer), but it also lets the reader reflect and digest the content more thoroughly himself or herself and encourages other readers to do the same. And then the linkage adds a whole new dimension to the situation, which is a whole different discussion completely.

So I think I'm going to go easy on my own blogging for a while (at least the writing part) and focus more on commenting on the blogs of others, not just just for their sake, but for my own sake of digesting and receiving all that these blogs have to offer.

Ant in the Clouds

2005-08-25T21:23:00.000-06:00

Sitting on a Jellyfish Bench

2005-08-25T15:26:00.000-06:00

Trampoline Composition #1

2005-08-24T16:55:00.000-06:00

As an excercize/experiment in improvised musical composition, I will be filming myself jumping on the trampoline in my backyard, watching it in slow motion with the sound turned off, and composing improvised pieces of music inspired by the moving image. here is the first recorded piece I composed using this method. It's not particularly harmonious, as I basically just played random notes on the guitar, but the idea is there. enjoy.

Click to play video.

One Year of (W)holesome Fun

2005-08-24T16:46:00.000-06:00

If today was the 21st of August, it would be the one-year anniversary of "the (w)hole"! But, as luck would have it, the 21st was a few days ago. Regardless, here's to another year of good, old fashion, overly personal, narcissistic, mildly interesting, occassionally entertaining, and typo-ridden bloggage!

.eriF

2005-08-23T21:13:00.000-06:00

Click to play video.

First Day of Class

2005-08-22T18:15:00.000-06:00

So today was my first day of class at Naropa. My two Monday classes are T'ai Chi in the morning and Diversity and Multicultuaralism in the U.S. (formerly listed as "Diversity in America") in the afternoon. The book on the left is for the latter, and will be read by next Monday.

I must say, even though what some bald philosophers might call the "mean green meme" may run rampant at Naropa, I still think that the issues of diversity and multiculturalism are extremely important and should not be dismissed or diminished. Racism and classism and sexism and all those -ism's are such excruciatingly difficult issues to deal with because there's so much pain involved. And it seems like (and I'm speaking from my own experience here) there's a real strong tendency to bypass and glaze over these issues as much as possible, or rather, bypass the pain involved with these issues (because human beings do tend to avoid pain). And an "integral" framework can certainly be hijacked to justify this bypassing, with the erroneous assumption that "I'm 'second-teir' now, so I'm above all that 'green meme' stuff. I transcended that shit."

This past week at orientation, and today during class, the thing that has become so apparent to me is that the so called "mean green meme" is the shadow of the stage of development we call "integral". Not that that's news to anyone, but it just became so blatantly obvious to me, and continues to become so as I'm getting more involved in the Naropa community. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this Diversity class unfolds for me, as a person with an "integral" background.

Oh yeah, and I got some cool new Tai Chi shoes.

Proper Punctuation and a Name Change

2005-08-21T01:50:00.000-06:00

Following the advice of Paul, I've decided to start using proper punctuation in my blog posts. I'll have to get used to it for school anyway, so why not? Of course, I'm not going to be anal about it, so don't expect it to be perfect.

I've also decided to change the name of this blog from "dan, the (w)hole" to simply "the (w)hole". The main reason for the change is that I'm going to try (and "try" is the keyword here) to limit the naval gazing of this blog, and widen my perspective into a deeper, more inclusive kind of narcissism. I'll still be writing primarily about myself and the going-ons of my life, but hopefully the focus will be more on "the (w)hole" and less on "dan", whatever that means.

Revised Class Schedule

2005-08-21T01:46:00.000-06:00

Monday: T'ai Chi Ch'uan 1, Diversity in America

Wednesday: T'ai Chi Ch'uan 1, Foundations, Writing Seminar 1

Friday: History of the Avant Garde, Jazz Ensemble

Class Schedule

2005-08-20T00:42:00.000-06:00

Monday: Writing Seminar, Diversity in America.

Tuesday: Mudra Space Awareness.

Wednesday: Foundations for Success on a Naropa Journey.

Thursday: Mudra Space Awareness.

Friday: History of the Avant Garde, Jazz Ensemble.

quality

2005-08-19T00:28:00.000-06:00

i really feel like the quality of my writing on this here blog has really taken quite a nose dive in the past few weeks. maybe i'm being too self conscious, or i'm subconsciously comparing myself to other blogs of much higher quality. but when i read through it, the internal dialogue chimes in, "this shit sucks. if i wasn't me, then i wouldn't want to read this crap." and then i try to compensate with pictures and video.

whatever. that critical part of me can keep incessantly babbling for all i care. i've got better things to do than to listen to that negative, fear-inducing horse shit.

so anyway, in other news, this week saw the gathering of quite a number of integralnaked.org forum members here in boulder. and i had the pleasure of hanging out with them on several occassions. and particularly significant was finally meeting my dear friends leela, Jeff, and Asalyn. i've known leela for almost two years now, and we have become very close friends in that time. but until this week, we had only communed through the interweb and telephone. and one would expect that to finally meet, in the flesh, someone that you've been communicating with for that long, there would be some level of weirdness somewhere. but it wasn't weird at all. it felt like we'd met many times before and we were just hanging out like old friends. but even with the nonchalant-ness of the situation, there's still such a great burst of joy that comes with finally hugging someone you've been waiting to hug for almost two years, and with simply experiencing their physical presence. it was wonderful.

relief

2005-08-18T01:26:00.000-06:00

the week of orientation for new students at naropa is entering it's last two days. i'm beginning get used to the idea of being a college student again. it's strange. i feel less like the responsible adult i've (sorta) been since i moved to boulder and more like the stupid teenager who doesn't know what he's going to do with his life (or even just the next few months). and you know what? it is such a huge relief. i'm really glad that i took a year off from school to work and just kinda dick around. because if i didn't, i would not have nearly as much appreciation for college as i have now. coming out of high school, i was swimming in confusion, completely lost in many ways, and taking a year off really put things in perspective. and now i am so relieved to go back to school, especially with the support of my parents. i don't know how it'll turn out in the coming semester. but as of now, my outlook is positive.

bee

2005-08-18T01:21:00.000-06:00

unconscious submarines

2005-08-13T21:48:00.000-06:00

click to play video.

explanation of lack of danNudity

2005-08-12T23:15:00.000-06:00

it's been a while since i last posted to my danNAKED site. the main reason for this is just laziness. but another reason is that when one of my housemates moved out a couple months ago, he took the phone line with him. and so the house has been exclusively cellular since then. and the recording equipment i use to record the dialogues only works with land lines. so before i schedule any conversations to be recorded, i have to get a phone line set up. but do not worry. i shall set up a phone line, and i shall record more conversations, and the danNAKED site shall thrive. all in due time.

snapshot self portrait

2005-08-12T21:51:00.000-06:00

click to play video.

update on personal affairs

2005-08-12T20:06:00.000-06:00

i've been quite out of it lately. ever since my birthday, i've just felt completely lost and disoriented. this monday is the first day of orientation at naropa, the beginning of my time at naropa. hopefully that will ground me a bit. i'm really anxious to sign up for classes and figure out my schedule. from what i hear, freshmen never really get any of the classes they want because they don't get to pick until the week before, which kinda sucks. but i'm sure it'll turn out fine.

my roomate situation is completely up in the air. there's a bunch of people coming and going, staying a few days on the couch, storing their shit in the garage, not cleaning up after themselves, and just generally being a big headache. and it's looking like the girl who was supposed to move in this week is going to back out without paying the rent she agreed to pay. and since there's a stupid law in boulder that won't let you have more than three unrelated people live in the same house, there's nothing we can do.

Ben Folds is going to play in denver this tuesday. i'm not sure if i can go yet, because of orientation, which is all day everyday for the entire week. but i'm going to do my best to make it, because i've wanted to see Ben Folds since i was 12.

also next week is the integralnaked.org forum gathering here in boulder. i'm bummed that i'll have to miss it because of orientation. hopefully i can participate in some of it. we'll see how it turns out.

need more metal

2005-08-10T21:42:00.000-06:00

"hi, i'm Dan... and... i'm a metal head."

"hi Dan."

it's a sad day when you pop Slayer into the stereo and you think to yourself, "damn, this just isn't heavy enough anymore." the escalating nature of addiction is tough to keep up with sometimes. perhaps i should find alternative methods of engaging with my anger and aggression, besides just listening to music.

i'm currently listening to Opeth, the legendary swedish death metal group. i saw them in dallas last year. it fucking kicked ass. i think i need to go to another metal show and get into one of those hurricanes Jean was talking about. the last mosh pit i was in was at the Mars Volta show a few months ago. that's the kind of fix i need. i would have gone to the Sleepytime Gorilla Museum show in denver had i been 21 or had a fake id. i think Sleepytime is one of my new favorite bands. i would describe them as a distinctly american, experimental art, theater metal band, kinda gothy, kinda deathy, with a sense of humor ("tonight we're gonna party like it's 1997"). they invented many of their own instruments, such as the electric pancreas, the pedal action wiggler, and the Vatican. apparently, my piano teacher went to school with these guys and is really good friends with them. she said she'd introduce me next time they're in town. kick ass.

ang then, whenever you talk about avant garde metal, of course you have to mention TOOL (whose new album is supposed to be out before christmas!). i've heard TOOL described as the heirs to the Pink Floyd legacy. i wouldn't disagree with that description (even though i think they're more like King Crimson). the only thing that worries me about that is how Pink Floyd kinda got washed up in the 80's, after The Wall. they totally lost their edge, in my opinion. and i can see how TOOL might be headed in that direction. Lateralus, as great an album as it was, had a much more positive and mainstream sound than Aenima. a bit more epic and not quite as edgy or dark. i hope TOOL doesn't fall into the overly-epic, mediocre "progressive" genre, in which the musicians are more focused on being "progressive" than making good music. of course, when the members of TOOL were asked whether their new album would continue in this positive, bright direction like Lateralus, they responded, "depends on what drugs we take." so i guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

sleeping video

2005-08-07T23:30:00.000-06:00

i've been avoiding my blog a bit these past few days. mainly because i've been in one of those spaces where i just don't know what the fuck is going on, and even when i do feel like i have somewhat of a grasp on what's going on, i feel completely unable to articulate anything. and also because i think i'm getting to the point where i'm really tempted to blog about really personal stuff which i would most likely regret later.

these past few weeks, i've been sleeping during the day and waking up at night. pretty much the same sleep schedule as most people, except AM instead of PM. i've had sleep problems since i was an infant, and it seems that whenever i don't have any obligations during the day, like school or work, i gravitate towards this offbeat rhythm of sleeping when everyone else is awake and waking when everyone else is asleep. i'm really tired of trying to figure out why i do this, or how i can stop and sleep when everyone else does. i've stopped caring. i just sleep when i sleep. but there's still a part of me that is very dissatisfied with this schedule. biologically, my body is tired of trying to sleep in the midst of so much sunlight and noise. and emotionally, it's just fucking lonely (not that i'm any more social during the day, but at least the possibility is there).

i've wanted to do more video blogging, but for whatever reason, i haven't (and the "typing" post doesn't really count because it's just a shot of my fingers). it definitely takes a lot more work than just typing, but i think the main reason i haven't done any video blogging this past week is just the vulnerability of it. you can hear my voice, see my facial expressions and hand gestures, and i can't hit the "backspace" button or visit thesaurus.com. i'm on the spot. and that's exactly the reason i started video blogging, because that's exactly what i'm most afraid of, so that's where the juice is for me. but my fear also makes it that much more difficult.

typing

2005-08-06T03:50:00.000-06:00

click to play video.

jig box

2005-08-06T00:15:00.000-06:00

blook bog

2005-08-03T00:00:00.000-06:00

by the way, Paul Salamone, a fellow blogger with ( )'s in his blog name, recently started a book blog (or blog book). check it out.

random image of thelonious monk

2005-08-02T23:56:00.000-06:00

photo by Lee Tanner

19 years closer to death

2005-08-02T18:04:00.000-06:00

today is my birthday, a reminder of the fleeting nature of life.

last year, a few weeks before my 18th birthday, i had a dream in which someone told me that i would die on my birthday. the year was not specified, just august 2nd. i wondered if the dream had any relation to my actual date of death, and if the dream was refering to my upcoming birthday. turns out i didn't die on my 18th birthday, which was a relief, i guess.

so today is another possibility for the prophesy of the dream to be fulfilled. the day is not over, so perhaps this is my last blog entry. or perhaps i'll live to post a few more. or perhaps i won't even live long enough to even click "publish post" for this post. death is funny like that, i guess. i suppose i'll just die when i die, and that will be that. at any rate, i wish myself a happy birthday, regardless of any present the reaper might have in store for me.

interesting article

2005-08-01T08:41:00.000-06:00

The irony for those who believe that "Lucifer" refers to Satan is that the same title ('morning star' or 'light-bearer') is used to refer to Jesus, in 2 Peter 1:19, where the Greek text has exactly the same term: 'phos-phoros' 'light-bearer.' This is also the term used for Jesus in Revelation 22:16.

film vs. music

2005-07-30T21:54:00.000-06:00

upon further pondering on the computer animation dilema i touched on in the previous video post, it occured to me that the same criticisms have been made for synthesized, electronic music. but i think electronic music, when it first started becoming popular and widespread in the 70's and 80's, went through a phase of novelty and perhaps childish use. then, with bands like radiohead and nine inch nails in the 90's, one could say synthesized music matured and was somewhat redeamed. i'm making really broad generalizations and oversimplifications here, but perhaps film, particularly the computer animation aspect, is going through what popular music went through in the 80's with synthesizers. i don't know. after writing it out, it doesn't seem as plausible as when it was just in my head. but whatever, food for thought.

movie review: Charlie and the Choclate Factory

2005-07-29T04:31:00.000-06:00

click here to play video.

the (w)hole has been added to vlogmap.org

2005-07-28T14:03:00.000-06:00

with all the recent excitement about Google Earth and theDiscovery shuttle and such, it is only appropriate that i jump on the bandwagon with some type of declaration of my spot on the globe. so i got my blog/vlog onto vlogmap.org, as one of two vlogs in the state of colorado. check it out.

congratulations!

2005-07-27T22:08:00.000-06:00

to Matthew and Hannah Dallman on the birth of their daughter, Twyla Christine Dallman! love and blessings to the Dallmans!

vlog post #1

2005-07-27T22:01:00.000-06:00

click here to view video.

suburbia vs. Slayer

2005-07-25T18:39:00.000-06:00

two posts (one, two) from Paul Salamone today that hit rather close to home.

If we mall kids and rootless suburbanite lit-drifters are to have our day in the cultural sun, we're going to have to tap in to some deep sources of pain as fuel for our aesthetic vengeance.

my opinion about this is that pain is in no short supply, it's just a matter of being willing to pay attention to it. surburban life, by definition, is an attempt to escape the pain of life, or at least ignore it. it's an attempt to have the cake and eat it too, that is, have the convenience and opportunities of city life and the privacy and spaceousness of rural life. it's the middle path of mediocrity, the american dream.

i'm reminded of one of my favorite songs by the band who contributed the most to my deliverence from the suburban mentality, Slayer.

"Disciple" from the album "God Hates Us All":

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race

Homicide-Suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for Peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered

God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All
He Fuckin' hates me

Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy

I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place

which video format do you prefer?

2005-07-24T20:19:00.000-06:00

windows media, quicktime, or real? i've been using windows media with no complaints so far. but i just thought i'd ask, as i think i'm going to dabble a bit more into video blogging, or vlogging.

communication

2005-07-23T22:57:00.000-06:00

ok, i kinda went in a different direction than i set out to in the last post, which was rushed and cut short. that's fine, but what i really wanted to touch on was how both music and spoken language use the raw material of sound as the medium for communication. and, whereas language primarily engages the mind, music primarily engages the body. in general, words are for thinking, music is for dancing.

and if you think of music as a language (as in english, chinese, pig latin, wilberian terminology, and music), or more simply, as a way of communicating, then you could say that because music is primarily a language of the body, music is closer to being a universal language than any language of words. and by universal language, i mean a language that all human beings (or sentient beings) resonate with (and i use "resonate with" instead of "understand" because "understand" implies a mental ... ummm... understanding). i won't go so far as to say that it is a universal language because many types of music are quite culturally bound, to the point where someone from another culture might experience it as just a bunch of noise.

the language of words is something that you learn after you've been alive for a few years. before that, the words mean nothing to you. so you learn the language of your culture, and if you are transplanted into another culture, you probably won't be able to speak the language very well. but you can still use your vocal chords. you can use your vocal chords as an infant. in fact, the very first thing you do after you exit the womb is cry.

i think i might be going off in a different direction than i wanted to go again.

hmmm...

i think this is one of those times when i have a bunch of different ideas going off in a bunch of different directions, and i'm not really sure how to articulate any of them.

anyway, one analogy that i really want to make, even though i'm not sure exactly how to lead up to it is that musicians use sound to make love to their audience just like lovers use their bodies to make love to each other. as cliche as that may sound, i think it's totally true, to the point where it's almost not even an analogy, but simply the same thing, making love/music. it's a bodily type of communication. and i actually don't think that the word "communication" is the word i'm looking for. perhaps "communion". or maybe words aren't what i'm looking for. i don't know.

words

2005-07-23T19:23:00.000-06:00

great article on meditation and the confines of language at Key 23, via GenSit. i haven't read the whole thing yet because the first part i did read reminded me of a topic that i've been chewing on lately, which is the nature of communication and the limitations of language. (relevant blog posts here and here)

earlier today, i had a wonderful conversation with Matthew Dallman about music. i can't remember any specific thing he or i said that would make me think this. but for whatever reason, i found myself thinking about music as a language, and how both music and language are simply sound. the difference between music and language is, i think, the same difference between art and technology. technology is concerned primarily with function, point A to point B type of stuff. whereas art is concerned more with something else, perhaps beauty or something like that. i'm not quite sure.

anyway, i'm not exactly sure where i want to go with this, but just as an experiment, notice how you relate to the following words in two different contexts. first, read the words as simply a piece of information that i am trying to convey to you. then, read the words as a line in a poem.

Sally went to the store.

notice whatever difference you feel while reading the same words in two different states of mind, one being functional, the other being artistic.

i have to cut this post short, as i am late for a poetry reading (interesting coincidence). perhaps i will write more on this later.